I don't get it...

I try to be nice,
I try to be the best friend I can,
But yet, no matter what,
All I'm seen as is an annoying obsessed retarded stupid girl.
It's like, for me, I can't try to be friends with someone without people thinking I like them.
Now a certain few people won't talk to me,
I mean, okay that's fine,
But you don't have a reason not to talk to me.
Your reasons are because I'm annoying.
Find a better reason. :c

On a more upsetting note,
I went to school today to pick up my timetable, and talk to Mr. Flemming,
And instead of me explaining why I didn't go to school the last two weeks, like I had planned, he just yelled at me, and told me I won't be graduating on time, with all my friends.
And he messed up my whole timetable. I almost didn't have Musical Theatre, he put Foods, and Health Care on there, forgot to put in Science, but now I have grade 11 Drama, and grade 10 Cosmo :/ really? I already took grade 11 Cosmo, and apparently the grade 12 class is full, so now I'm gonna be stuck with stupid grade tens, and learning stuff I already learned last year. Maybe I can ask Ms. Dinoi (because she loves me) if she could teach me the grade twelve course ^_^

on another note;
I was bored yesterday, so I asked if I could stop by Aaron's, since everyone was gonna be there, and I wasn't wanted. Yea, that's cool. I ended up riding my bike to Alisha's at around 7, got home at 10, then Joe came over, and we were both mad that we couldn't go to Aaron's, since they apparently stayed up all night. So we went to Mcdonalds at 12 am. Walked half an hour to get there, and stupidly, Mcdonalds was closed, but the Drive Thru was open. So Joe and I walked around to Drive Thru window, stood there for a few minutes, then Joe definitely scared the dude there (who was pree beautiful, if I do say so myself ;P and apparently it was his birthday) and he decided to let us order, so we got two bacon cheeseburgers and some fries. Then when we were waiting for our food, some car filled with four teenagers (who I thoguht were drunk or high) pulled up and started talking to us saying "Yo, did they let you order on foot? We rode our bikes up and they didn't let us order so we had to find a car" it was kind of crazy, so after we got our food we left, but Joe forgot a drink so we went to 711, which was thankfully still open, we bought delicious slushies <3 then walked back to my house, sat on my front grass for a bit talking, then he left, we got back at 2, and surpringly I got up today at 10. ;D

Now I'm here typing, and my mom keeps reading what I'm writing, kind of annoying, but whatever, soon enough I'm gonig over to Alisha's to help her and her sister with a photoshoot.

On anothernother note,
I know you have your reasons, but please talk to me. T_T it's killing me.

I would just like to say..

Congratulations to everyone for graduating today! :3

And this;
"She's not crying her eyes out because you're gone anymore. She's not upset at the fact you pushed her outta your life. She got up and walked the rest of the way out. She doesn't need someone who's just gonna make her feel like crap all the time in her life. She doesn't deserve it either. She needs someone who's gonna make her smile all the time. Who's going to understand her imperfections and love them. They're going to put up with her in the bad moods and be nice to her no matter how mad they get. They're gonna love her just the way she is & you, you my friend, aren't that person anymore."

And stop making up stuff that happened. Because that's definitely not the truth. If you bothered to talk to me, you would know the truth. But you won't. You're just continuing to not talk to me, and to think what you want. But what you think of me right now, is all a lie.

oh, and my wrist is starting to heal, incase anyone cared..

So I have the best friends ever..

Yea, friends who care so much that they just ignore me completely when I am crying my eyes out.
Friends who ignore what I have to say to rant about all of their problems.
Friends who seem to just not care.
Friends who gave up on me because I'm being too depressed.
And oh, of course, "friends" who say they will be there for you, they say you can talk to them as much as you want and they won't mind, oh but when I needed to talk to him the most he just kinda ignores me because he feels it's best? Fuck that.

It feels almost as if I've told everyone I want to kill myself or harm myself so many times, they no longer believe me..
Well..better believe me now.

So, I don't think I've ever been pissed at so many people at one time before o.o;

Let's number the things that are bugging me right at this very moment!
Starting now!:

1. You say friends don't lie, but, incase you didn't know, while telling the truth, friends also spare the other persons feelings. Yea..

2. I wrote one poem, out of boredom, stop taking everything I do the wrong way. >.<

3. Yea, sure, we can stay friends, but you have to stop being so dumb..I don't want to finish that sentence D;

4. You just don't want to talk to me or hang out with me? That's cool. But you could atleast explain why and not tell me stupid lies, it's not like I did anything..

5. Don't be mad at me for moving on.

6. I don't care if these things are too harsh, I'm pissed and no longer care.

7. Get over yourself.

8. And no, I'm not just going to forget about that someone who you keep telling me to forget about.

9. You are my best friend, but I tell you nothing cause you'll get mad at me if I do tell you the truth.

10. I really don't care anymore. So I've been saying everything that's on my mind. But, mostly in this blog post.

11. I did nothing to you, can't you just try to be my friend like you said you would?

12.I know we don't know eachother very well, but you said I can talk to you no matter what. But not only does it seem you just don't want to talk to me now, but I feel like I'm annoying you. *sigh*

13. How am I supposed to ask you why you're ignoring me, and what I did, when I know you're already annoyed by me?

14. You want to be friends? okay, then why would you blurt out in front of everyone that I like him. Lying is bad you know.

15. I'm sick of all this drama that you started. if you would just get over it already, I wouldn't be so mad at you.

16. I know I'm stupid and annoying, but I just care too much.

17. It's not true, but even if it was, how is it obvious? :S it's not.

18. I hate blisters.

I can't think of anything else to rant about. Roar.

I wish I had a pet squirrel.

So, I wish I could write poetry,
But it's not really possible for me,
I wish this wouldn't be so complicated,
Putting how I feel into one simple sentence.
I wish someone would understand,
That someone being you,
I wish you would take my hand, and come and be with me,
And this poem is starting to suck immensely.
All I would like would be to talk to you,
And you act like I'm an animal from a zoo.
Yet, you somehow have the ability to make my heart smile,
And do a flip or two.
I believe these feelings may be worthwhile,
But if not, then what do I do?
So I am done this poem, because it pretty much sucks,
It would of been easier if I just wrote about ducks.
Now I am waiting for the arrival of Sammie,
Maybe we will go to Miami?
;D

So this pretty much took me like an hour to write. o.o;
I'm that challenged.
Turned out okay though, right? D;

More words from my father. yay! -.-

"So I was planning on going to anime night tonight..."
"Yea?"
"And I was wondering if I could get money for dinner?"
"No, I don't think that's fair, you're sisters get things because they work for it, and I don't think you should get any money because you have accomplished nothing."
"So, I'm not allowed eating now?"
"I have to go bye *hangs up phone*"

Words from my father.

"So guess what, you just missed your religion exam, the school called and said they're probably not going to let you back in next year because of the way you're acting now.
You're officially a bum. All you do is sit here and you don't do anything, all you do is take and you don't give anything back. You're like a human vacuum.."


Why does every bad thing that could possibly happen, happen to me in three days?
It's like no one even understands how much I'm going through right now. How much I'm hurting right now.

In the past month or so I've lost my parents, my friends, someone special, and my cat (he was found, but whatever)

I'm a failure. I can't do anything right. I'm useless. Worthless. I'm not good enough for anything. There's no point for me anymore.

It seems like everyone hates me now. I know most people will say other wise, but if no one hates me, then why is no one talking to me anymore?
Okay, sure, a few people talk to me, but no one will hang out with me, even someone who's supposedly my best friend said even if we hang out, no one could know.
Is hanging out with me suddenly against the law or something?


I'm done. With everything.

Obama ;3

;D


Eric was here but definitely wasn't the one who searched this.

Kt hx :D

Also: Natasha is also here, just so you know :3.




Caroline feels the need to let you all know she is here even though it's her blog so I mean like you would assume she's here but she's here. :D ^-^;

Blorgen.

Lately, I've pretty much stopped caring about everything.
I kind of wish everyone would just stop caring so much aswell,
because I don't want to care about them worrying and what not.
I've just given up hope for myself.
I don't want to work on making things better.
I don't want to care.
I don't want to try.
Nothing seems worth it anymore.
Everything just seems like a giant ball of stupid that doesn't deserve any attention.
So many stupid problems lately.
So many people yelling at me for not gonig to school.
Excuse me, but it's my life, let me do what I want for once, kay? I know what I'm doing, and trust me, I'm not gonna end up like a failure.
Some people just make such a huge deal of everything. Like, chill.

Now some lyrics that match my life right now:

Once in awhile I act like a child to feel like a kid again
It gets like a prison in the body Im living in
Cause everyones watching and quick to start talking, Im losing my innocence
Wish I were a little girl without the weight of the world.

I've been in a bit of a Lights mood. I guess I blame senor Stefan Petkov. x33
A.k.a my new best friend. ;3 xD

Butnoreally. I love Lights. and her new video for Second Go just makes me so happy! I legitimately wish I could do that. Someone get me a white house, and a bunch of colourful paint, and I'm set for life! <3

My Redgie baby is at the vet right now, getting denutted. D:
Myd ad told me the operation went well, and now my baby is sleeping. I'm glad. <3

I hate feeling like I can't help my friends..it makes me feel like a terrible friend..*deepsigh*

o.o; and now some motivational lyrics for me, from Lights:

The times you dont want to wake up
Cause in your sleep its never over when you give up
The sun is always going to rise up
You need to get up, gotta keep your head up
Look at the people all around you
The way you feel is something everybody goes through
Dark out, but you still gotta light up
You need to wake up, gotta keep your face up.

I love her.

~~~~

And now, an owed to Sizzle:
When my sister, Emily, was five years old, she got a cat, named Sizzle, after the character from the show PuzzlePlace. Emily and Sizzle were best friends for fifteen years. Sizzle always seemed so miserable, but that is because that house was hers, and in her life, there have been five cats, and a dog running around her, and bugging her, she hated that. So everyone thoguht she was just plain mean, and was scared of her. A few days ago, Emily noticed some things wrong with her, and she began to worry. Sizzle was barely eating, she lost alot of weight, and many other things. So Emily, and her siblings, (me and Hannah xD) and our father went to the vet together. When we got there, the vet weighed sizzle, and that number on the screen made tears swell in Emily's eyes. Six pounds, Sizzle lost. The vet took Sizzle in the other room to give her an X-Ray. When the vet came back, she didn't bring Sizzle, but she showed us the X-Ray, and she told us she had multiple things wrong with her. She had fluid in her chest, which made it hard for her to breathe, she had kidney stones, and her knees were really bad, and a bunch of other things wrong with her, that I can't even remember. The vet told Emily that there was barely anything they could do, because even if they tried, the problems would still come back again. Emily understood, and didn't want Sizzle going through all that, so Emily decided to let her go, since she was so old, and in so much pain.
Emily burst out into tears, as did I. I hugged her, trying to make her feel better, but nothing would. She was about to lose her best friend. I, myself, couldn't stop crying. It was just so upsetting. I couldn't take it. I hate death. Especially the death of someone so important to our family.
We will always remember you Sizzle. <3
April 12, 1995-June 15, 2010. <3

I attempted to put pictures in here, but it wouldn't work.. :/


Until next time~

The end is near..

I just don't care about anything anymore.
I'm done trying.
There's no point.
I give up.

(:

And now I shall tell you about everything that has happened lately:

I haven't really been to school lately, most people know why.
I've been really depressed lately.
My mind is having a fight with itself, about one thing... :/
I just wish he wasn't in my life so I don't have to be dealing with this...ughh D:

I went to Anime North last weekend. Amazing. That's all I have to say.
I helped Joe get around as Metapod. According to him, I was his voice, sight, and other stuff ;P I helped him walk around, if I wasn't there, he'd be lost...still. xD
I bought a whole buncha cool stuff, mostly thanks to Eric bahaha, he's the best xD <3
And I boguht alot of Pocky <3 I need more.. o.o;
Ohohohoh the 404's are epic.
Kay that's all I have to say..xD

Last night I went to the SJB grad dinner/dance with Eric, it was actually kinda fun. :3
Our table consisted of me, Eric, Clara, Scott, Aaron, Nicole, and Dom (who lacked a date ;o)
The food was alright, the dance part of the night was a fail.. :/
Then we went back to Aaron's house and just chilled pretty much.
Joe and I decided to run around outside in the rain.
He was just wearing a bathing suit, and we both weren't wearing shoes. We started frolicking down the streets in the rain.
Then we just went for a really long walk around the neighbourhood talking about stuff. He be srsly like mai bbfl. <3. :3

I'm now at the laundromat, sitting here. Bored.

Anyway bye.

Life...

...
I give up.
There's no point.


The end.