What is this? I don't even.

My head hurts.

Yesterday was a good day.
And I'm pretty sure Aria told me to blog. I think.
So I'ma do that.
Hi.

Basically all that happened yesterday was:
Everyone got here at like 4-6
Yeah, only five people came.
We ended up going to Hayley's party for a bit.
I fell in the elevator.
Ate some skittles.
we had adventures to go find cups at one point.

This isn't in order at all.

Just a few things that happened, also not in order:
We took the bus home, and we saw Michael Smith.
Even though I told everyone to make sure I don't text Aria, yeah I did.
Bad idea. D:
well we went in the hot tub, and I think I cried.
Yeah I did cry.
I was very emotional for several reasons.
Then I got all happy cause apparently James text me saying happy new years, and I think I sent three texts back.
I almost died in the hot tub, we played truth or flare. It was basically just truth.
I don't remember that much of what was said. I think someone asked me if I loved Aria o.o;
We were supposed to burn the "Aria Bear" but never got a chance to do so D':
After I got out of the hot tub, I found the cell phone that Clara hid on me, then I just text Aria. Again, bad idea. I ended up calling him somehow, while Alisha was asleep on my floor. I think his friend Mac answered, pretending to be some guy named Jason...
I don't even remember what was said.
It was a bad idea to call him when both of us were drunk..
I was laying on the floor in the living room, and I'm pretty sure I kept saying "Why are you not here yet?" and yeah...I'll not get into all that was said and what not.
There was one part about being naked..I think o.o;
Then when he said he had to leave I said "nononononononononononono don't leave me ever" then I was like "text me, right after we get off the phone" And he said "okay I will" then I said "Promise right now!" So he did text back and I don't even remember what he said x3
I think I ended up going to bed at around 3 am, but I kept texting Aria, I tried so hard not to fall asleep. Our conversation was intense.
Hahaha cats.
I fell asleep, and then I woke up to check the phone, and he sent two messages saying "You fall asleep?" and "Alright well sweet dreams" and I was like noooooooooooo cause I wanted to talk to him more.
The part I didn't understand was when we were having our intense conversation, he said "Mac keeps screaming anal" I don't overly understand that part. o.o;

I should stop this post now.
And I just realized apparently Aria's going to be reading this.
That man told me he reads my blog.
The only one. C':

Just would like to say, before I end this, that Natasha is the most amazing human being in the world. She saved my life. I love her. C:

And my sister is going to kill me for spilling champagne on her carpet. D:

fbkjtuhkyukly

Do you remember when we first met? I sure do. It was some time inn early September. You were lazy about it, you made me wait around. I was so crazy about you, I didn't mind. Guess that I was afraid that if you rode away, you might not roll back my direction real soon. Well I was crazy about you then and now...♫


A lot has happened lately, but I forget half of it, or just don't want to type it out.


1. "Imagine if I did other peoples laundry"
Oh yeah, being kind is such a bad thing these days, mom. o.o;
I don't mind doing my own laundry, but when my mom does everyone elses but mine, just because she doesn't want to. Yeah, that pisses me off. 


2. Musical Theatre has been sucking so much lately. It's not even close to fun. I know it's supposed to be more work, then fun, but people have been taking it way too seriously lately. And not even the teacher has been. Just two students who took over the class. It's ridiculous.


3. I really want a phone. I've been waiting like, a year? My dad took my phone away and is using it as his own. And he keeps telling me to be patient for a phone. Seriously? I've been waiting this whole time. I've changed my ways, I'm doing better in school, and you still don't think I deserve it?


4. My stupid sister lost my ipod. Now I have to wait to get another one. I always have to wait. Yet, my sisters get whatever they want, whenever they want. It's not fair. And I still haven't gotten my birthday present from my parents. I'm not too sure if I'll be even getting it now. Yet, my sisters always get theirs early. Why do people always forget about me? Why does what I want always come last to everything?


5. According to many people, I now look and smell like a pumpkin. o.o;


6. I really just want you to notice me and my feelings, and not push us aside, like you've been doing. I have fallen so hard for you, and I know you don't feel the same, but it would be nice if you acknowledged my feelings for a change. Even though I have to be, I don't want to be just your friend. I want to be so much more than that. But I guess there's nothing I can do to change that now.


7. "If you want something you've never had, then you must do something you've never done."


8. You definitely are worth my time, maybe even more, I hope you realize that soon.


9. I miss having a cell phone. I really do. I've been using my dad's to talk to you, and it makes me rather happy. I genuinely miss it. Falling asleep while texting you; I didn't think I would miss that so much. It's nice. ♥


10. There are twenty five more days until the Lights concert! I have never been more excited in my life. :3


11. I feel like a complete failure. Having to stand there, while everyone talks about college and the university's they want to go to, while I have to deal with the fact I ruined everything for myself. I feel so stupid, and like such a complete failure. Why did I have to fail everything, now I'm so behind in credits and won't be graduating this year. So great...and it'll take forever until I even have the chance to get into college. 


12. My life is starting to seem pointless again. But there's something in me that won't let me give up anymore.


13. It really bugs me that some people don't bother to read the lyrics I post. Those are the words I could never say myself. They mean so much...


14. I have to go get ready to go to Alisha's now.


15. I want to hang out with James tomorrow. He told me he's planning on doing homework tomorrow. Do you think that if I asked him, he would go on a walk with me, and just talk? :3


16. I love you. ♥

My dream;

So I have a horrible cold, and the dream I had last night was slightly messed up.

So, I can barely remember what all happened before...
OH nevermind, I remember.
It was Ivy's birthday, and she was like so upset, cause everything was going wrong, something about how we were taking the bus and someone pushed her out then the bus left without her?
Idk.
The next part I remember, is Joe, Eric and Scott were over, and we were attempting to get somewhere where everyone else was.
So, I found a laptop on my bed, which unfolded into a tv? LOL
Then we realized we could use the laptop as a map, so we took a chair and rolled down the street loool
It didn't make sense though, cause Joe was in the front in the chair with the laptop, and me, Eric, and Scott were behind him holding on, sitting on something, and I swear it was a car x3
Which makes no sense.
Anyway, so we reach our destination, which just so happens to be my house o.o;
And like everyone else is there, like Dom, Natasha, Alisha, Aria, Spencer, Stefan(idk why he was there, but whatever) and I think that's it.
We ended up playing a form of hide and seek, it wasn't actually hide and seek but it looked like it. That makes no sense.
Moving on.
I got really mad at one point cause like, Stefan walked up the stairs and ignored me, so I got mad and kicked a basket down the stairs. Apparently Eric was in there? LOL
Then Stefan came up to me and was all like "hey can I talk to you for a second?" and i'm all "sure whatever" and he just said all this stuff. He didn't even look like Stefan, but I knew it was him. I hate that.
Then after we were done talking, and we made up apparently, everyone was like...gone. Apparently Scott Dom and Eric left. Then Natasha and Alisha were leaving, but they were giving Spencer a ride home, but they couldn't find him, but it turns out he was just laying on the floor in the kitchen.

That was a long dream. I'm going back to sleep. My head is about to explode.
Hopefully I dream crazy stuff again. 8D

Dedicated Lights songs to friends. ^^;

“Honestly, if you don’t fit in, then you’re probably doing the right thing.”

I'm in the craziest Lights mood ever o.o;
I've been basically stalking her for the past like hour and a half.


But I decided to fix my list of dedicated songs, but also write some of the lyrics and why I dedicated that song. I'm bored and this sounds fun. 8D


Drive my soul- Clara; Just because I love her tons; 
You make the darkness disappear I feel found when you stay near I know where I am when you are here. My way becomes so clear. When you are gone. Will I lose control? You are the only road I know. You show me where to go. Who will drive my soul? ♫




Saviour- Quinn; cause he's my Saviour ♥;
I just want to run to you, And break off the chains and throw them away. I just want to be so much, And shake off the dust that turned me to rust. Sooner than later I'll need a Saviour. I'll need a Saviour. ♫




The last thing on your mind- Natasha; the lyrics explain everything;
Don't think too hard, if you think it hurts that bad. Don't talk about it, don't let it get you down. It's only one part, of the story. Just let it go, don't let this get you down now. Sing the last thing on your mind. The last word on your breath, I'll be the one to keep you, keep you at your best. The last thing on your mind, 'Cause I don't need your mess. I'll be the one to keep you one disaster less. I'll be okay, if you're okay. ♫




I Owe You One- Chelsey; the lyrics explain it all;
What you've given me is more than I can say. Cause I don't know the words to thank you properly. You pulled me from the grave and stood me on a hill, And when I was afraid you made me still. For the love you bring. Owe you everything. For the breath you give. You're my cause to live. For everyhting under the sun. I owe you one. ♫




Pretend- Ashley; this is our song;
Once in awhile I act like a child to feel like a kid again. It gets like a prison in the body Im living in. Cause everyones watching and quick to start talking, Im losing my innocence. Wish I were a little girl without the weight of the world. It would be nice to start over again. Before we were men. Id give, Id bend, lets play pretend. ♫




Second Go- Sammie; this is our song;
Give me a second go, Don't let me go alone. You saw me at the worst, You caught me falling first. All I wanted to know, Give me a second go. ♫




The Listening- Alisha; this just seemed like a good song for her;
I never really ever know what to say. When all of my emotions get in the way. I'm just trying to get us on the same page I always get it better right afterwards. When all the wrong impressions are said and heard. How come I can never get the right words? I need to convey, Wish I could explain. Can I let the trees do the talking? Can I let the ground do the walking? Can I let the sky fill what's missing in? And can I let my mouth do the listening? The listening. ♫




Lions!- Everyone; it's a song about being brave and such;
Give me a disaster, give me emergency, Stand me at the head of the crusade without a remedy. Show me to the shipwreck, show me how youre bones shake. And when Im at the edge of sorrows blade, show me how a heart breaks. Be steady on your feet. No matter the trouble you meet. Lions make you brave. Giants give you faith. Death is a charade.You dont have to feel safe to feel unafraid. ♫




Ice- Stefan&Narcy; they both just suck;
My mouth is frozen so I cant even speak. What a disappointment, I had it perfectly. What I was going to bring up suddenly. Stood like a stone as you stood quietly. Youre making it hard for me. All I can do is freeze. What I mean is, all I need is, Just a little emotion. Cause all I see is you not feeling. And youre giving me nothing nice. I tried to do you right, whyd you have to go and turn to ice. I dont think youre knowing how hard this is for me. Im not the type to say sorry constantly. So I swallowed my pride and I got on my knees. But still you just stood there as you stared at me. Your ego is getting old. How did you get so cold. Im looking at you looking at me, what can I do but say sorry. Its a little late but you know I just want you to be happy, What I got to say to make you let me get away with it this time, I know youre upset and that youre happy just to sit and hate me, But Ill make a bet that youll be better to forget about me, Even better yet Ill let a little light melt the ice, ice baby!♫




Up Up and Away- Eric; the lyrics explain it all;
We had a rocket, that fell out of orbit. We couldnt stop it, we couldnt control it. We were in a good course, it was a good flight. But I felt the heart force, holding me too tight. We are rockets, in the sky. We are planets, passing by. Up up and away. Forget me, go your own way. ♫




Quiet- Aria; the lyrics explain it all♥;
I'm not yours, and youre not mine. But we can sit and pass the time. No fighting wars, no ringing chimes. Were just feeling fine. This is where were supposed to be. Sitting by a broken tree. No tragedy, no poetry. Just staring at the sky I could wait a thousand hours. Stay the same in sun and showers. Pick apart a hundred flowers. Just to be quiet. Tell me when you feel ready. I'm the one, theres not too many. Hold my hand to keep me steady. Just to be quiet. With you. I like it here beside you dear. You're even more than you appear. And in the clouds my head is clear. Every time you say hello. So heres my heart, and heres my mouth. And I cant help if things come out. Cause there are words I want to shout. But maybe Ill stay low. ♫♥




Face Up- Me; this song is my inspiration;
Its late and I am tired, wish I could spark a smile. The place is flying high but right now I want to be low. Don't want to move an inch, let alone a million miles. And I dont want to go but I know I gotta go. I just want to feel alive. The times you dont want to wake up. Cause in your sleep its never over when you give up. The sun is always going to rise up. You need to get up, gotta keep your head up. Look at the people all around you. The way you feel is something everybody goes through. Dark out, but you still gotta light up. You need to wake up, gotta keep your face up. Seems like the more you grow, the more time you spend alone. Before you know it you end up perfectly on your own. The citys shining bright, but you dont see the light. How come you concentrate on things that dont make you feel right. I just want to feel alright. I'm looking for more than a little bit. I'm gonna have to find my way through it. Gonna leave a mark, Im gonna set a spark. I'm coming off the ground. I wont be looking down. ♫




I really hope you all actually read the lyrics. Even though they aren't from me, I still mean them dearly ^^;


And this took me like an hour to do, so you all better appreciate my love. D;

Ahhh I'm so happy. :3

My life is just falling back into place, and everything is good. :3


I just had such an amazing day and realized life is just so good now.


Now that drama is done, and Aria and I are good again, everything seems much better.
I spent the day with my family, and with my dad,
I missed spending so much time with my dad. ♥
And I have Pocky, and I ate Burger Kind. And I love Redgie.
I love Chelsey.
And Clara.
And Shayla.
And Ivy.
And Elizabeth.
And Alisha.
And Natasha.
And Aria.
And Ashley.
And Sammie.
And Quinn.
OMFG I JUST SERIOUSLY LOVE EVERYONE!
I'm sorry if I missed anyone, but if I did, just know, I love you. A. Freaking. Lot.


OH MY HOLY CHEESE BALLS
APPARENTLY CHELSEY AND QUINN ARE GONNA VISIT ME TOMORROW?!?!?!
I SHALL BE PREPARED
GAAHHH THAT MADE ME EVEN HAPPIER
I LOVE MY LIFE
LEGIT
YAAYYYY


I just wish Aria would answer me. ♥


looooooooooooooooooooooool what are they gonna do? Pelt me with green apples?!?!?!?!?!?! D:
I'm so scared now. xDDDD




OH AND I LOVE LIGHTS.




I know we're heading for disaster. But I keep running faster, and faster. And I don't wanna wake you up, Cause I don't wanna let you down. I'm scared I'll never be enough, to keep you around. And there's a part of me that knows I'm everything you need but I'm afraid to let you in, afraid of what you'll see. And now I'm falling even harder for a boy I'll never know.♫

omfg ♥

I just re-realized how much I love Hedley.
I love basically every one of their songs.
I love their album "the show must go"
Like, so much.
One of my favourite songs off that album is Sweater Song.
It reminds me of Aria, for various reasons. ;3 ♥


Here, have a listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLmU5Srjo-k
Legit, I can't stop listening to this now. xD


I's at laundromat and it smells of soap, wax, and vinegar in here.
I spilled soapy vinegar water on my shoe, oh noes D;
Been here since seven, awesome. 8D
Another hour maybe?
Woulda been more fun if Quinn could of made it, but sadly he couldn't, but that's okay, I still love him.
*sneezes*


OH 8D
So on the ride back from Toronto, I was listening to Lights (of course) and I picked songs that I dedicated to each of my friends 8D


Drive My Soul- Clara
Saviour- Quinn (since he's my saviour and all.)
Ice- Stefan/Narcy bahah 8D
Pretend- Ashley
Second go- Alisha
Face up- Me, cause that song is my inspiration.
Lions- All of my friends. :3
Quiet- Aria ♥
Up up and away- Eric.
February Air- Joe (just cause he sang this at Erics bday party xD)
Romance is...- Everyone aswell
Cactus in the Vally- Maybe Aria too x3


So yea, that's basically it. :3


Oh, and I dedicate the song 9 Shades Of Red by Hedley to my bestfrand Quinny. :3
just cause it rocks. 8D


Where did I go so wrong, singing the same sad song. 
Sitting home all alone saying woe is me la la la la la la la

;o I realized..

I'm 93% straight, and 7% Lights. ;3
Loool thanks to Alisha who helped me find this out.
I just love Lights so much. ♥

I feel like without him I would fall.

So today I found this paper filled with quotes on it in my binder, which is where the title came from. ;P

Not gonna lie, I'm in a pretty amazing mood right now.
I'll tell you why.
-I'm getting two Lights shirts sometime next week.
-I bought a new game called De Blob
-I'm on level three in said game. ;P
-Alisha keeps commenting my pictures.
-Stefan and I made plans to hang out next week.
-Redgie is cute
-I have starbursts. Yummmmm.
-And I am now going to steal my sisters laptop and watch Pretty Little liars. :3

I wanted to take a nap earlier, but I wasn't able to because my mom needed help cleaning, so I'm just gonna watch Pretty Little Liars, play De Blob some more, then sleep. Maybe fit "calling Quinn" in there somewhere. (y)

oh, but while I go watch Pretty Little Liars, pictures are going to be uploading onto this computer. Yippiiee. -.-

I walk away now. 8D
♥