Cause only you can make me happy.

So, I no longer know what I'm doing with my life anymore.
It feels like everything just kind of fell apart.
I have a feeling I may be getting into my old habits with school and such.
And that's really not a good thing...
It's kind of just getting to the point again where I don't even see a point to tomorrow...

I really need to stop thinking like this.
I can't though.
I need help. :C

I really thought everything was falling into place, and everything was getting better. But I realized it's not.
I'm stupid.
I really am.
To think that some of the people I called friend, actually don't care at all.
To think you would possibly feel the same about me, but no. You don't care. You never did. I just sit there and tell you all this stuff about how I feel. And you could care less. You most likely think I'm annoying and that I just bother you. I probably never meant anything to you. You probably don't even want to see me. But that's fine....*end rant* :c

I also realized I need to stop talking. Me speaking just somehow makes everything worse...

And this is where I say something terrible and say "instead of just not talking, maybe I should just die, everything would be much better that way"
But yea, that's just how my stupid mind works. :/

And this is where I apologize for being stupid, a horrible friend,  and whatever else. D:
*dies*

I am so stupid T_T

So, I just realized, I should NEVER stay up until 7 am ever again. Not only did I wake up at 4:30, but I do crazy stuff when I'm hyper/alone.
I really shouldn't of spammed Narcy on msn, cause I think he blocked me...D:
I hate when I'm hyper, but I do and say the craziest things and always regret it, and somehow always get people hating me. It's ridiculous. But I also realized that Narcy is acting so immature. Like, deleting and blocking someone, and completely ignoring them for absolutely no reason? Ugh.
It's not fair. But Hopefully things will work themselves out with time.
Same with Stefan. Like in my last two posts, I said alot of stuff I regret x3 but I was hyper...
And also, on msn, I told Narcy he had a nice face. Which probably ruined it.

Well I have to get ready to go to the laundromat. My father is forcing me to go. But I get to go to the mall aswell so everything is good. :3

I apologize T_T

I apologize for the fact that I've only been posting lyrics lately.
I've just been so overwhelmingly sad lately, that song lyrics are the only thing that can describe how I'm feeling. So if you actually read the lyrics, instead of just ignoring them, then you'll know how I'm feeling ^^;
I feel like someone ripped out a piece of my heart and fed it to a zebra, basically.

I've done a lot of thinking lately, and realized a lot of things. I really need to find out who I am, and change everything. because I still can't figure it out, but whoever I am, is kind of retarded. I need to figure out who I am, who my real friends are, whats actually important enough to cry over, and I basically just need to try harder at everything, instead of being lazy and procrastinating life.

I know you two don't want to be my friend, but it would be nice if you could tell me why you're ignoring me. Because I wanted to be your friend, I really did. So if you're just going to avoid me and just be major butt heads, then that's cool. But it'd be nice if you could talk to me for a second, and tell me your reasons for the ignorance, instead of being so immature. Closure would be nice.

The song Swing Life Away by Rise Against, is actually so amazing. It basically is my theme song for my life right now.

I basically spent the day with some amazing people. They are pretty much my best friends; Quinn, Chelsey, Clara, and Sammie. ♥
We went to Gage Park for the Festival of Friends. Twas fun. We went to Mcdonalds and I got a double cheeseburger *drools*
I was pretty much dying from sadness the whole time. I really just can't help it.
Knowing that someone I really like just, out of nowhere, completely starts hating me, and won't talk to me at all. It would be nice if he would tell me why. *shrugs*
I guess until someone gives me a real reason to why they're ignoring me, I'll just be a sad panda.

It legitimately feels like someone ripped my heart out of my chest, fed it to a shark, and put the remainders back where they found it.

I wish they could see how upset I am, and possibly care for once. But I know they don't give a crap. I just...whatever...
I really want to be able to get over it. But it's so hard. Cause everything reminds me of them...WHY AM I SO PATHETIC?! D:


"I'm having chicken hearts and gizzards"
"What's a gizzard?"
"They look like testicles actually..."
"You're eating chicken testicles?!"
LOL ♥

Oh, btw, I hate him, a different him then him.
He;s just so effing dumb, I was stab him in the face.
All he says is lies, and starts drama for himself.
And blames me for adding drama into his life.
Uhhuh, yea sure.
And he adds himself into everyones business, especially mine, and says thathe doesn't care what i do or who i like. what an idiot.
Quinn better be proud of me for calling him a fuck, cause he is one. >:C

So, basically, I realized...

I've been saying the word "basically" alot lately o.o;

Dear you;

I love you.

I'll probably never let you know that,
since it barely matters.
You just mean a lot to me, and I want you to know.
I just wish you felt the same way...

More realizations!

I make mistakes.
And I regret mostly everything I say, or do.
I think that the things I do will make everything worse.
But you never really know.
After watching 16 Wishes (suggested by Clara) I realized a lot of things.
That, one simple thing can change your life.
Even if it's saying something to someone, or anything.
Great things will happen or horrible things will.
(I actually haven't even finished the movie so I can't really give you the "moral of the story")

But I did something that I regretted today, but now that I think about it, that "regret" will probably turn out to be something great.
I took a risk and hopefully good stuff happens. ^-^
He either hates me more, or he loves me. 8D
I just hope it's the second one.

This whole post barely makes sense.
But that's what happens when I try to write my thoughts down.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is;
hopefully instead of him being annoyed by me, he'll just see how much I care. I want him to see that. Cause I care a lot.

oh damn, now I'm getting all emotional T_T

I just wish he cared as much as I do...
or at least at all.
I want him to like me back, really.

fml.

I just went for a two hour walk to the park. At 12 am. It was fun.
I walked around the park at least 12 times, and then layed in the grass and stared up at the stars. I had my sisters phone with me, and was texting Narcy the whole time. I like talking to him. I miss him.
I just about walked into a tree while texting him, and I told him it was his fault, because he distracted me.
I went for this walk to clear my mind.
It didn't really work.
I just realized something.
But it's not that important.
So, maybe I'll keep this secret.

I was sitting on the jungle gym just listening to music. When my sister called, started yelling at me. So at 1:30 I went home.
She just yelled at me saying:
"You have a lot of problems, you know that Caroline. No wonder mom and dad don't support you, you just don't care about anything"

I go to bed now.
Try not to cry myself to sleep again. :/

What has come over me? I'm about to lose my mind.

I never really ever know what to say, when all of my emotions get in the way. I'm just trying to get us on the same page. I always get it better right afterward, when all the wrong impressions are said and heard. How come I can never get the right words, I need to convey. Wish I could explaint the things that I have to work out.

I just kinda need to stop everything and think about who I am, cause everything that I am needs to be changed right about now.
I'm a horrible friend,
and I'm living in a world where I believe everyone hates me, and everything is horrible. And this is what needs to change. Because the past two days I've been messing everything up, and crying about it. I just have a lot of thinking to do.
I also have to think about who now deserves being in my life, cause as of now, people are making everying so difficult. And they are just being mean, stupid, and mean.

I am now listening to Lights album "The Listening" over and over again.
Makes me think of him o.o;
But it just happens.
♥

I'm looking at you looking at me, what can I do but say sorry. It's a little late but you know I just want you to be happy, what I got to say to make you let me get away with it this time, I know you're upset and that you're happy just to sit and hate me, but I'll make a bet that you'll be better to forget about me, Even better yet I'll let a little light melt the ice, ice baby.
Ice-Lights. ♥


And this also needs to be said;

We had a rocket, that fell out of orbit. We couldn't stop it, we couldn't control it. We were in a good course, it was a good flight, but I felt the heart force, holding me too tight. We are rockets, in the sky. We are planets, passing by. Up up and away. Forget me, go your own way.
Up up and away- Lights. ♥

I seriously love her. *expldoes*




Istillmisshim.:C